It was 1987. I was twelve years old and locked in one of the fiercest matches of my life, gripping my bat as if my future depended on the next point. I felt confident in my forehand. My plan was simple: if my opponent played to my backhand, I’d go down the line, open up the angle, and seize the opportunity to attack with my forehand. I loved competing and every day after school I’d head to my friend's house who was lucky enough to have a table tennis table!
After months of battling for the “World Championship” in his backyard, we decided it was time to join a real table tennis club.We did some research, which was not so easy back in the eighties since there was no Internet. We found out there was only a single club in our city that hosted a competition every Sunday afternoon. The competition was based on a handicap system, where stronger players gave weaker ones a head start, making the games more balanced. This sounded like fun, and we thought we were ready for the challenge, so we agreed to go and play.
The local club was tucked away in a dusty, dimly lit hall, where players of all ages gathered every Sunday. The smell of old wood and faint echoes of balls bouncing filled the air. It wasn't glamorous, but for me, it was a new world. The organiser immediately realised that although we thought we were good, we were really just beginners. He gave us the lowest handicap possible in the system, 100.
As the competition got underway, I played against others with similarly low handicaps. Thanks to the head starts I received, I managed to win all of my matches. This put me through to the knockout rounds, where I faced Andrew, a player in a league of his own. In a game to 31 points, I started at 27 while he started at -4. That's right, I only needed four points to win; he needed 35. Simple, right?
Not quite. The moment we started my palms were sweaty, and my heart raced with every shot Andrew fired back. Despite my enormous lead, the pressure mounted with every point. Andrew's skill bore down on me like a storm, and each point he won chipped away at my confidence. His spin serves were something I’d never encountered before, and returning them felt impossible. On my own serve I occasionally managed to use my “strong” forehand but Andrew simply returned it with ease.
I finally won my first point and it felt monumental. However, every missed return felt like a crack in my confidence. I entered the match feeling invincible, but by the time Andrew had reached 10 points, it was painfully clear—I was completely out of my depth. His shots were faster, his serves deadlier—and I realised I had been playing table tennis, but I didn't know table tennis. Each time I glanced at the scoreboard, I could see Andrew inching closer, effortlessly chipping away at my lead. I somehow won my second point, but Andrew methodically closed the gap and won 31-29.
The sting of losing hit hard, but as I shook Andrew's hand, something inside me shifted. The defeat didn't discourage me; it sparked something deep inside. I wanted to understand how Andrew made the ball spin and twist, how he placed every shot with such precision. It was like learning that the game had a language I didn’t speak—yet. In that instant, I understood: table tennis was far more than I had imagined. The precision, the spin, the strategy—it was like discovering an entirely new sport. That loss wasn’t a failure; it was an invitation to grow.
That day, I went home and picked up my bat, determined to figure out what made his spin so effective. I started watching better players, practising with more focus, and little by little, the mysteries of the game began to unravel. That first competition wasn’t just about the four points to victory—it was about the endless journey to becoming a better player. It taught me how much I had to learn and the importance of always striving to improve. Sometimes, being outmatched teaches us more than any victory ever could.
So, the next time you’re outmatched, don’t back down—lean into it. That’s where the real growth happens. What’s your story? How has a loss motivated you to become a better player or person?
Posted 3 months ago
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Ric Harrii Posted 3 months ago
Jeff Plumb from PingSkills Posted 3 months ago
Hi Ric,
Thanks for sharing your story! It sounds like you’ve tapped into a really important aspect of the game—fitness is often underrated but can make a huge difference, especially in longer matches. Combining improved fitness with consistency on the table is a smart strategy, and I love your mantra of “Never Give Up”—it’s one that resonates deeply in both table tennis and life.
As you’ve pointed out, the journey to improve skills doesn’t happen overnight, but recognising where you can gain an edge, like with fitness, shows great self-awareness. Keep working on those skills, but don’t underestimate the power of determination and a solid fitness base. It’s all part of becoming a better player!
Thanks again for your comment, and best of luck with your continued progress! Keep pushing forward—you’ve got the right mindset.
Oleg Konevsky Posted 3 months ago
Jeff, have you ever considered writing a book? I would pre-order it right away :)
Jeff Plumb from PingSkills Posted 3 months ago
Hi Oleg,
Thanks for the awesome compliment! To be honest, I haven’t thought about writing a book, but your enthusiasm definitely makes me consider the possibility. I really appreciate your support—it means a lot!
Paresh Shah Posted 3 months ago
Hi Jeff
A great post. There were occasions in the past when a surprise decision by the judges knocked my interest in a particular activity. Rather than stepping back and redoubling my effort I let the disappointment affect me - I dropped out of the activity. OK it was the Toastmasters Ice Breaker speech - I had prepared hard and had performed well - for some reason the judges decided otherwise. I dropped out of Toastmasters.
It was only later that I realised that I had lost a great opportunity and no one else suffered but me. That realisation has been very useful - learned to take setbacks in my stride.
Now that we are on the subject, Jeff, can you recommend a few good books on Sport Psychology. The Inner Game of Tennis was wonderful. Which other books would you recommend.
Paresh Shah
Jeff Plumb from PingSkills Posted 3 months ago
Hi Paresh,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It’s really powerful to reflect on those moments where setbacks feel overwhelming, but it’s great that you’ve come to see the value in pushing through. I think many of us can relate to letting disappointment get the better of us at some point, and like you said, it’s all part of the learning process. It’s inspiring that you’ve now taken those lessons and applied them to other areas of your life.
As for books on Sport Psychology, I’m glad you enjoyed The Inner Game of Tennis—it’s a classic! Another great read is Mindset by Carol Dweck, which delves into the idea of growth versus fixed mindsets and how embracing challenges can lead to improvement. I’d also recommend The Champion’s Mind by Jim Afremow for more insights into the mental side of high-performance sports. Another great book that touches on sports psychology, but is more about talent versus hard work, is Bounce by Matthew Syed.
Thanks again for your thoughtful comment and for sparking a great discussion!
Paul Griz Posted 3 months ago
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story fom the beginning of your journey to olympic fame and beyond.
I grew up in a large family in a tough neighborhood where life seemed to be survival of the fittest. There was no shortage of bullies and challengers. At 18 I was drafted for the Vietnam war. Through bootcamp and further advanced training I flourished and embraced the difficulties excelling because of the challenges, not despite them. This attitude got me through the war and so many hardships through the following years. Failure just intensified my subsequent efforts.
I would always seek out the toughest competitors as rungs of a ladder. If I initially could not beat them, I just kept learning and training until I made it up the next step. Initial failure was just the solild ground I could push up from. In the military the common saying was "Pain is just weakness leaving the body" whether it was physical or psychological, you never stopped trying. Failure was not an option.
Roberto Suave Posted 3 months ago
Jeff is a champion @ not only TT but at the art of writing.
You score an ace direct to my feelings , how a defeat pushs one to take charge of oneself.
When i started @ 69 at my senior city club , there was a cluster of old timers that refuses to play with me , even a single game from time to time.
I swallow the pill , promise to me to beat them in the future.
Now , it is done and keep learning thanks to people like You and Aloi .
Colin Smith Posted 3 months ago
Hi Jeff
I have played competitive sport all my life and took up Vets TT last year. One thing I learned in golf matchplay is that you should not fear defeat. This fear makes you tighten up; grip the club/bat tighter and lose your flow. I hate losing and I go into every match trying to win but I know as a beginner there are much better players out there so I take a nothing to lose approach and play to my strengths. I am having regular coaching to gain more skills but I do think the mental side is also critical when you are closely matched.
Illawarra Table Tennis Posted 3 months ago
Hi Jeff,
Nice sharing.
Our match committee moved me from being near the top of B" grade comp where I won most matches to A grade where I am losing most matches. I feel a lot of "imposter syndrome" - my self-identity does not fit with being an A grade player. Each week I feel I have to prove that I belong in A grade by winning matches.
However, reading Mindset by Carol Dweck has made a big difference mentally. I realise that if I examine each match ego-lessly I can learn my weaknesses, look up the relevant PingSkills videos and practice practice practice. Developing a learning mindset is bl***y hard for me when I am emotionally primed to get the endorphin rush from winning. When people ask me "How did you go last night?" they expect an answer in terms of how many matches won or lost. I now reframe this question to "what did I learn from last night?" And ask it of other players in the club so we can develop a culture of learning.
Stephen Young Posted 3 months ago
Sorry Jeff - comment from "Illawarra Table Tennis" is from me - I used the wrong Chrome profile to post!
Jeff Plumb from PingSkills Posted 3 months ago
@Paul, thank you for sharing your personal journey. I recently visited Vietnam and went to the War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh City. I could not imagine being faced with the challenges you have had to deal with. It's amazing to hear how your mindset carried you through so many tough situations. Your story reminds us to put sport into perspective and enjoy it for what it is. Once again, thanks for sharing and inspiring others.
@Roberto, thank you for your kind words! I’m so glad the story struck a chord with you. It’s incredibly motivating to hear how you overcame the challenge of not being accepted by your peers at the senior club. The way you pushed through and proved yourself is exactly what this journey is all about—turning setbacks into fuel for growth. It’s wonderful to see that spirit, and I’m glad PingSkills could play a part in your learning!
@Colin, thanks for sharing your experience! Your approach to matchplay, especially overcoming the fear of defeat, is spot on. It’s so true that tightening up can throw you off your game, and taking that “nothing to lose” attitude allows you to play freely. Regular coaching will definitely help with the technical skills, but as you said, the mental side is just as crucial when you’re up against strong opponents. Keep that balanced mindset and enjoy the process—sounds like you’re on the right path!
@Stephen, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Moving up to A grade and dealing with that imposter syndrome is definitely a tough transition, but your approach is excellent. Adopting a learning mindset, as you mentioned, can be challenging, especially when we’re so conditioned to chase wins. But reframing the focus to “what did I learn?” is such a healthy and productive shift. It’s great to hear that Mindset by Carol Dweck helped—it's a fantastic read. Keep embracing those learning opportunities, and I’m sure you’ll continue growing stronger with every match!
chukwuma ezeike Posted 3 months ago
Quite insightful.
I have a board in my garage and would often play with my boys...and a couple of friends.
Then a new neighbor, Mr. Chang...moves in next door...and Bang...he is a player.
My compound quickly turned into a ping-pong arena.
We would play every morning battling for superiority....and Mr Chang, a bulky fellow with a feline reflex, somehow always managed to thrash everybody.
We were faced with a formidable defensive chopper who treated points like money. Attack him all you can, he will always out-wait and outwit you.
And he would taunt you.
I hired a professional coach to train me especially on my backhand topspin so I can attack his frustratingly low chops...instead of getting stuck in a chopping rally which usually ends in my losing patience and attacking wildly..to my peril.
I would manage to sneak a game or two....and begin to think I have ''overpowered'' him only to jump back the next day only to receive a shameful thrashing.
After four years of attacking Mr Chang, I realised that I was dealing with a much more advanced ping pong player than I thought.
He had spare capacity beyond the level of my garage.
I also realised that ping pong is as much a mental sport as it is physical.
His mental skills are phenomenal. He would make a comment that will infuriate you and make you lash out.
He would bait you with a high ball....with a rogue spin.
He will consistently return your smashes...even directing the ball to strange places.
I am 54 years old and I have a business to run.
I have given up on overpowering Mr. Chang.....and I now have peace. :)
Jeff Plumb from PingSkills Posted 3 months ago
Pete Bailey Posted 3 months ago
Lovely piece of writing Jeff. I recently played in a competition. There were 3 of us, all oldies, from my club, playing a couple of other teams. One of the players on the other team was a young kid, probably about 10? or so. Being more experienced myself and another player on my team won our matches against the younger opponent. But between matches we had a brief discussion about whether we should go easy on our younger opponent, (I think we both felt slightly guilty winning against him). What do you think?
Pete
Jeff Plumb from PingSkills Posted 3 months ago
Hi Pete,
Thanks so much for your kind words! That’s a great question and something many players have probably wrestled with at some point. It’s natural to feel a bit of guilt when playing against a younger or less experienced opponent, but I think there’s real value in treating every match with respect, regardless of age. When we give our best, we provide them with an opportunity to learn and grow, and they’ll improve faster for it.
That said, showing good sportsmanship is important. Offering encouragement and maybe even some post-match tips can go a long way. Ultimately, it's all about finding the right balance between challenging them and keeping the game enjoyable. Sounds like you handled it well!
Thanks for sharing your experience!